Monday, 1 August 2016

Giving up the guilt

Today I am going to try and stop feeling guilty about the things I can't do. Logically, feeling guilty about having glandular fever is really really dumb, but it is also really easy. Usually I feel guilty about not being able to do jobs in my share house, like shopping, cooking communal meals and doing huge piles of dishes. Vacuuming is a proven way to exhaust myself. Feeling guilty about being a burden to people, who didn't ask to be lumped with a sick person. Also, there's feeling guilty about needing to claim my personal space and be in control of the amount of time I spend socialising. Sometimes I have to ask people to go away.
There's also the 'needs' thing to feel guilty about, and when to assert my needs over someone elses. Like, I don't really 'need' need some things, like home-cooked meals and a sunny quiet space. Lots of people have endured long periods without them and survived to tell the tale. But they do make my life so so much better : )
Glandular fever and chronic fatigue are invisible, not like a broken leg. Sometimes I may appear to be quite well, even though I have really rigid invisible limits that I need to respect or I'll get sicker. And gf is even less my fault than if I was doing something silly like crashing my bike and breaking my leg.
Also, I do know it is better for everyone if I look after myself the best I can now, so I can get better and do things again. And that's by not pushing myself to do things because I feel guilty about not doing them...
So, that is the goal from today. Less “I'm sorry I can'ts”, and more “thank you for helping me”. Like in these pictures.

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