Its a new experience for me, not being able to trust my body to be strong and reliable and resilient.
I remember getting a medical for a bus license when I was 21, and the doctor told me I was 'disgustingly healthy'. I had felt pretty proud of that until recently.
“I'll just push through this head cold / sleep deprivation/ hang-over / over-exertion / stress at work. I can't afford to stop. I'm strong. She'll be right”.
Now I get nervous when I see so many people doing that around me!
Don't trip your switches guys!
But most people don't. They just keep pushing through and getting away with it. But for some reason I got a fuse got blown and the power supply cut off!
Sometimes I wish I had rested more when I was busy active Jen. I even wish I believed in a god who forced us all to have full days of rest on Sundays. Not relentless adventuring, projects and fun! No! Forced rest and reverence for you little humans!
But I also don't regret acting in the best way I knew possible at the time. Chronic fatigue was just not on my radar, as a thing that could affect 'disgustingly healthy' me.
Anyway. Now I now see the value of rest. And of space.
Fires need air spaces between the logs to burn, my dear active friends, and although you probably won't accidentally CFS yourself, please keep that in mind! All your relentless working hard and playing hard and sleep when you're deadding is making me nervous!
[NB. I am also aware that it is probably not my fault in the slightest and that I didn't “CFS” myself. It just happened, like things do in life. Here's me nipping little thoughts of self-blame in the bud ) ]
Here is a poem by a lady called Judy Brown:
Here is a poem by a lady called Judy Brown:
FIRE ~ Judy Brown
What makes a fire burn
is space between the logs,
a breathing space.
Too much of a good thing,
too many logs
packed in too tight
can douse the flames
almost as surely
as a pail of water would.
is space between the logs,
a breathing space.
Too much of a good thing,
too many logs
packed in too tight
can douse the flames
almost as surely
as a pail of water would.
So building fires
requires attention
to the spaces in between,
as much as to the wood.
requires attention
to the spaces in between,
as much as to the wood.
When we are able to build
open spaces
in the same way
we have learned
to pile on the logs,
then we can come to see how
it is fuel, and absence of the fuel
together, that make fire possible.
open spaces
in the same way
we have learned
to pile on the logs,
then we can come to see how
it is fuel, and absence of the fuel
together, that make fire possible.
We only need to lay a log
lightly from time to time.
lightly from time to time.
A fire
grows
simply because the space is there,
with openings
in which the flame
that knows just how it wants to burn
can find its way.
grows
simply because the space is there,
with openings
in which the flame
that knows just how it wants to burn
can find its way.
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