Friday, 2 December 2016

Saying 'no': Part 2

I wrote a post last week about how I wish everybody would be better at saying no. Simple 'no's, without long winded excuses or guilt. And not saying yes because we can't say no, but actually feeling resentful about it.
And now I get to decide whether to put that into practice that myself. Ugh. Its way hard.
'Tis summer, and the season of Couch surfers.
Sharing my space with 4.5 house-mates is challenging enough with a chronic illness. However I have spent a lot of time communicating with them about what's going on with me, and now I don't feel so bad about asking them to do things like turn their music down, or not actually talking to them when I go to the kitchen to get myself a cup of tea. "I'm not rude or grumpy at you, I'm just really sick!"
However with my housemates having friends, and friends of friends all over the world, the occasional couch surfer is inevitable. 
Providing hospitality to travellers is a wonderful thing to be able to do. I feel super grateful for people who've hosted me on my own journeys. Last summer, when energy was more abundant in my life, we signed up to a bike touring version of couch surfing and hosted lots of bicycle tourists. It was great to be able to give back and nuture some global goodwill. 
However, last night a recurring couch surfer, who started as a 2 night guest, asked if it is ok to keep using our place as base between shifts of remote area track work. 
Apparently all the other house mates have said its ok, but to ask me first.
Ugh!!! Its so hard to be the no sayer!
One reason being, because its not clear cut. I can live with couch surfers, here and there. A night or two, doesn't bother me, I'll hide in my room if I need to. I just would prefer to prioritize my energy into getting better, rather than answering questions and making small talk in the kitchen with new people. 
He's a very nice young fella and I don't not like him.
I feel like by saying no I am impinging on the pleasure my housemates get from being generous.
I feel that if I say 'no' to him, I need to provide a long winded explanation about my invisible illness and help find him a new place to stay. 
Its easier to just say yes, and hide in my room.
Or maybe I should find another place to housesit on my own, to avoid this problem.
Time to practice what i preach, or not.....

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